


between 2 and 2:30 in the am

by seakid



Series: thirty minutes [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Bittersweet, Canon Compliant, LITTLE DOES RONAN KNOW, M/M, Pining, Ronan's POV, This Is STUPID, i was bored
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 18:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4930222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seakid/pseuds/seakid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he throws reason out of the window along with the bottle, says fuck it, <i>fuck it</i> and for once, it doesn’t sound like an excuse. it doesn’t sound like bravado or cowardice. it sounds like <i>fuck it</i> and that’s that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	between 2 and 2:30 in the am

**Author's Note:**

> ~this happened because i couldn't sleep, i'm really sorry~

it hits him like a swig of that spirytus vodka he’s vowed to never touch again. it’s this; 2 AM head lights of a car remarkably similar to a white mitsubishi, his wheels spiraling out of control (or really, just his thoughts) and a breeze stale, cold like noah that reminds him of everything ending. although if he’s honest, it’s more a kind of 2 AM masochism that doesn’t have a name. he throws reason out of the window along with the bottle, says fuck it, _fuck it_ and for once, it doesn’t sound like an excuse. it doesn’t sound like bravado or cowardice. it sounds like _fuck it_ and that’s that.

halfway down the road he realizes he doesn’t have the words. he swerves the car to the side of the road in such haste and then laughs because _what is he doing stopping to collect words_ , he feels oddly like gansey. but there is panic he doesn’t feel like denying, because this has to be _right_ , goddammit. it doesn’t mean showing up at his door at 2:26 AM with poetry but it doesn’t mean showing up at his door at 2:26 AM, period, so either way it doesn’t mean anything other than _fuck it._ the fuck is he going to write poetry about anyway.

he doesn’t think the entire way, except that once when he wonders where chainsaw is. then he remembers and suddenly he wants to go back to her, go home to painted buildings and ghost bedrooms, but he’s nearly there. he’s there.

adam looks surreal when he opens the door, and no, he doesn’t lie but yes, sometimes he stands on the brink of dream and reality and takes a wild guess at which is which so no, he’s not always aware of when he’s awake and when he isn’t and 2:26 AM is that time.

_parrish_ he drawls and lets himself in and stands in the middle of the room like he’s been here for the first time. adam closes the door, or doesn’t, but there’s a while till any of them moves.

_i was sleeping_ adam says, matter-of-factly.

he nods like he understands but he doesn’t, not really. _i wasn’t._

_you’re drunk_ adam says, falls back on his bed and closes his eyes. he wonders if he’s fallen asleep, if he should leave, but the idea sounds foreign and vague.

_i want you to know something_ he says, and adam pops open his eyes. he’s looking at him in a way that suggests he’s thinking something too complicated for even gansey to understand. he sits up, eyes laden with sleep and shadows and a question mark.

he opens his mouth and closes it. maybe he should’ve considered poetry. and it hits him. it’s this; adam’s quiet expectant eyes, his own heartbeat ringing in his ears, and a breeze stale, cold like noah that reminds him of everything that _is_ , of their lives so carefully built around each other like so much dominos. although if he’s honest, it’s more a kind of 2:30 AM self-preservation that has too many names. guilt, fear, shame, pity. he realizes he can never do it. drunk or sober, with poetry or words. 

adam looks at him warily, then says _sleep, ronan_ and pulls him into the bed instead of tossing a pillow to the floor. he mutters something about _alcohol_ and _idiots_ and shuts his eyes again. ronan allows himself to watch him drift, allows himself to imagine a life where their differences have sorted themselves out, allows himself this small moment of relief because he wasn't foolish enough to do it, he didn’t ruin this, allows himself to fall asleep with his head on adam's shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> ~<3~


End file.
